Do you ever look back and realize you could have handled a situation so much better than you did?
I do. Actually, I just did.
Here's the basics. An opportunity came up that we were overlooked for. It was completely out of our hands and our control, but consideration should have been given. We found out we were never in the mix, though others had planned on including us. Those others weren't given the chance to represent us. This was a big deal.
So how did I handle it. Not well, I have to confess. I had anger, lots of anger (and tried to justify that it was righteous anger because we had been wronged). I was frustrated, to say the least. But mostly, my heart ached. I ached for the lost opportunity, an opportunity that should have been. The what if's and could have been's. I admit, I shed a few tears.
I knew God wasn't surprised by this. I knew we were in His hands. I knew this was such a small blip in the big picture. I knew all this. My heart didn't care and my emotions (i.e. anger) took over. I didn't do anything stupid, but I sure didn't hide my feelings. I also let a few others around me know how we were wronged and looked for support and confirmation that I was justified in my anger.
I always hope I can stand apart as different in this me, me, me world. I hope I can show the grace and love of Christ through my actions. But for about 24 hours, I acted like a whiny baby. I asked God to forgive me and apologized to those around me for my behavior.
Isn't the real test of who we are displayed in our response and actions when troubles (of any kind) come? I have a long way to go.
This time we "took one for the team" and because of it we have prompted change. I wrote a firm email (it was an appropriate email that I would write again today) and let those in charge know that they need to correct their process. The response back was an apology and confirmation that they will come up with a more formal and better system for their nomination process. Unfortunately, it doesn't help us, but it will help everyone else in the future so another family doesn't have to go through what we did.
Next time I hope to keep it between God and me. I can still shed tears, but I don't want to be the whiner I was. If I need to take appropriate action to instill appropriate change, then I pray I will do it with a grace-filled heart towards those I need to address.