Not Back to "Normal"

I really didn't expect things to change much after my dad passed.  Call me naive, but I honestly thought I'd get right back to where I was and trudge on.  This is one of the lessons my parents taught me.  You keep on because there really isn't an option.  It's normally the right lesson.  But I've surprised myself, and I am not moving on as I figured I would be. 

Dad lived across the state and I didn't have a chance to see him much, but we did talk frequently.  So I figured after his services, I'd go back home and life moves ahead because I have a family and work and a life to live.  Practical, yes.  Callous, possibly. 

But I'm not trudging forward.  I still have our luggage from our trip to Hawaii to put away.  I still have my suitcase from traveling for Dad to unpack.  I haven't worked out in weeks, and unfortunately I don't feel like it.  It feels like there is so much to take care of around the house and I just walk past it. 

No, I'm not depressed, just temporarily overwhelmed.  I do miss my dad!  And I'm surprised at how much.  I knew this day was coming.  I actually hoped for it to be sooner than later to alleviate any pain he would be in.  But now that it's actually here, it's so final.  (I do have hope because we will be together again in heaven.)

If you have a moment, please pray for me.  And especially for my dad's wife.  This is so hard on her and she misses him terribly.  As hard a time as I'm having with moving on I can't imagine what it would be like to lose your spouse.

My head knows what I should be doing but my heart is heavy and hurting.  Today is just a day of grief for me.  I was told to be prepared for an overwhelming sense of unexpected sorrow to hit.  I think it has today.